I have to stop listening to Jay Chou songs, was going through my library of music I have from him and came across this song, thought it was beautiful, found the translation to the lyrics, started crying… still crying…

安靜 | An Jing | Silence
Other Translations: none
曲/詞: 周杰倫
Qu/Ci: Zhou Jie Lun
Music/Lyrics: Jay Chou

Translation: ava – www.jay-chou.net

只剩下鋼琴陪我談了一天
Zhi sheng xia gang qin pei wo tan le yi tian
Only the piano accompanies me throughout the day

睡著的大提琴
Shui jiao de da ti qin
The sleeping cello

安靜的舊舊的
An Jing de jiu jiu de
Quiet and so old

我想你已表現的非常明白
Wo xiang ni yi biao xian de fei chang ming bai
I think you’ve made yourself clear

我懂我也知道
Wo dong wo ye zhi dao
I know and I’m sure

你沒有捨不得
Ni mei you she bu de
You don’t regret

你說你也會難過我不相信
Ni shuo ni ye hui nan guo wo bu xiang xin
You say you’re upset too, that I don’t believe

牽著你陪著 我也只是曾經
Qian zhe ni pei zhe wo ye zhi shi cheng jin
You being with me was in the past

希望他是真的比我還要愛你
Xi wang ta shi zhen de bi wo hai yao ai ni
I hope he loves you more than I do

我才會逼自己離開
wo cai hui bi zi ji li kai
Only then will I bring myself to leave

Chorus

你要我說多難堪
Ni yao wo shuo duo nan kan
You want me to say it, but it is awkward

我根本不想分開
Wo gen ben bu xiang fen kai
I don’t even want to break up

為什麼還要我用微笑來帶過
Wei she me hai yao wo yong wei xiao lai dai guo
Why must I depend on a smile to tide me through?

我沒有這種天份
Wo mei you zhe zhong tian fen
I don’t have the ability

包容你也接受他
bao rong ni ye jie shou ta
To accept both you and him

不用擔心的太多
Bu yong dan xin de tai duo
Don’t worry too much

我會一直好好過
Wo hui yi zhi hao hao guo
I’ll still be fine

你已經遠遠離開
Ni yi jin yuan yuan li kai
You’ve already gone far away

我也會慢慢走開
Wo ye hui man man zou kai
And I will slowly walk away

為什麼我連分開都遷就著你
Wei she me wo lian fen kai dou qian jiu zhe ni
Why is it that I have to accommodate you even when [we] break up?

我真的沒有天份
Wo zhen de mei you tian fen
I really don’t have the ability

安靜的沒這麼快
An jing de mei zhe me kuai
Staying silent doesn’t come so fast

我會學著放棄你
Wo hui xue zhe fang qi ni
I will learn to give you up

是因為我太愛你
Shi ying wei wo tai ai ni
Because I love you so much

Repeat

First of all I have to say that I think the term “friend” is used too easily. Yes, even I am guilty of this. Society seems to program us to just address people who seem a little nice even as “friend” but really, what does the word “friend” mean to you? What makes a friend in your opinion? Most importantly, what makes a true friend? Those that you cherish most in life.

I am sure my point of view about friendship might seem a bit childlike or demanding but I don’t expect people to behave a certain way. I expect people to be themselves. Friendship though is a two way street and you both have to take care of the friendship if it is to grow and blossom. Everyone will have a different opinion of what makes a true friend for them. This is just my opinion on it.

First and foremost I believe there needs to be trust. Sure you can love someone even if you don’t trust them but I don’t believe there can be any solid foundation to build on without trust. For me, with a very close friend, that trust has to be implicit. I would rather be told the truth about something and have it hurt my feelings than be lied to, even over a small thing. In the end, when I find out someone wasn’t truthful, it hurts me more. If they don’t want to tell me, I would rather they just be honest and say that they don’t want to talk about it. It might still hurt me to hear that but again it would hurt much less than if they just told me everything was fine when it wasn’t.

Second most important thing to me is communication. The ability to talk about anything and everything. To share the simple joys in life to the deepest, darkest secrets. I believe the more you can share with someone, the closer you are. The more I have to hide about myself from someone, the less close I feel to them. Likewise the more they keep from me, the less close I feel. I believe that a true friend would always want to share their thoughts, feelings, experiences and such with each other, regardless of how good or bad they are. Also, a true friend would always want to listen. To share it shows you trust the other one. To listen to it shows you really care about who the other person is.

Third would be acceptence. I don’t want people trying to change me. I don’t want people telling me how I should think, feel, or live my life. In turn, I don’t believe that it is my right or place to try changing someone else or tell them how they should think, feel or live their life. Everyone is different. One person may be more or less sensitive about something than another. One person may cry for hours over something while another might be completely unaffected by it. There is no right or wrong answer to all of this, I believe a true friend will just accept how you are and try to understand how you work. I want to embrace the differences in my real friends. I want to understand how they think, what they feel and why. I want to know what they have been through. The more I know, the better I can understand them, the more I can know who they really are.

Last, I think is showing your commitment to the friendship and how important it/they are. You never know what is going to happen in life. We think life is full of tomorrow’s but maybe it is and maybe it isn’t. I think it is important to show and express how much you care about the other person, everyday, because maybe (God forbid) one of you might not be there the next day. It doesn’t have to be anything big. Just being around to chat, leaving a message, sending an e-mail, tell them they are important, whatever. There are many little ways to show someone you care everyday. I don’t believe love and care can be expressed too much.

I think people should always ask themselves these questions…

How important is this friend to you?
Just what would you do for this friend?
How would you feel if this friend wasn’t in your life anymore?
What can you do to make this person feel, everyday, that they really are important and that the friendship between you really matters?
How does this friend make you feel everyday?

I think these are important questions to ask in understanding just how important someone really is to you.

I don’t believe everyone can be friends and really, I only want a few close friends. Otherwise I wouldn’t have much time for anyone and I would rather spend a lot of time with a few people than a little time with a lot of people.

I mentioned this topic a while back but then didn’t go further with it. Well, I am still receiving mails from people who, without even knowing me or reading my profile, profess their undying love for me. Like these lines are really going to attract a woman. I still have to wonder if they ever get any responses… Anyway, thought I would start sharing some of the stuff I get.

“Honey yu were born with talents. Yu can do beautiful things with yr skills, knowledge and technology. No one is MORE as talented as you. You just come near, and there is already beauty.Hey u
darling, you look divine! If I were to present your picture in heaven, so many angels will hide their face in shame. I think i know yu baby…are yu from TX”

谢谢 (xie xie) – Thanks
不客气 (bu ke qi) – You are welcome
不用谢 (bu yong xie) – No need to thank me
对不起 (dui bu qi) – I am sorry
请 (qing) – Please

昨天 (zuotian) – yesterday
今天 (jintian) – today
明天 (mingtian) – tomorrow

Tonight my mind is very busy and my heart is hurting. Some of those I care about most around me are having problems, big or small, but they are not in a good mood. I had no idea in some cases what was even happening, they just never really told me. Chalk it up to cultural differences in behavior, personal differences, whatever, somehow I feel hurt by it all. Not just because they are hurt but because it seems I didn’t even know what was going on in their lives. Of course, I understand it is their place to tell me or not, they don’t have to tell me what is going on in their lives.

Maybe I have a screwed up idea of what close friends are supposed to be like. I always thought calling someone a very close or best friend ment sharing everything with each other, good and bad. Always letting them know what is going on in my life. It seems this is just my perception on it. It leaves me feeling like I don’t even know my own closest friends very well. It also leaves me wondering if I am wanting to share too much of myself with them and wanting them to share too much of themselves with me.

I am not good at opening up with my feelings directly. I will put on a happy face and act as though all is well, even if it is not, though very good friends can usually tell with me if something is up. I personally want to share everything with them. If I am happy, I want to share my happiness, if I am sad, I want to share my grief. I believe a friend is a friend no matter what. In fact, to me, the sign of the closest friend there is, is the one that you can share the hurt, the pain, the anger with. It is easy for people to share good things and enjoy, it is very difficult to share bad things. I believe when people can do this with each other it shows a great deal of trust and a desire to let the person see the real you underneth the daily facade we wear.

I understand everyone is different but I am finding it very hard to deal with this difference in friendship. Today I am just feeling particularly hurt by it from more than one source. I know they were not trying to hurt me in any way. I understand they didn’t tell me because they think sharing the pain, sharing the knowledge that they are not happy or well, would somehow hurt me because I care about them so much. When in reality, not knowing what is going on in their lives, not sharing their pain, actlly hurts me far more. It is a feeling that I am not trusted, not wanted so close to their heart. This is just my perception of it, how it feels to me. Maybe it is wrong to ask them to share their pain. Maybe this is something selfish. Maybe I am very wrong but I am only expressing my feelings, right or wrong, it is just how I am feeling.

My heart is just hurting and at the moment I just want to get lost in something so I don’t notice it.

I only have 2 “resolutions” if you want to call them that, for this year. To study Chinese and to take a trip to China. So everyday now, I will pick some words in Chinese to work on, reading, writing, pinyin, speaking and listening.

Today’s words for myself are…
我 (wo)- I, me, myself
你 (ni)- you
他 (ta)- he
她 (ta)- she
我们 (women)- we, us
他们 (tamen)- them, they
你们 (nimen)- you plural

It actually snowed here the night before last!  I was so excited I was dancing, running and jumping around the apartment.  My husband must have thought that I lost my mind. haha  I love the snow so much.  Just to see it makes me happy.  Of course I cannot go out and play in it right now as I am still getting over a cough, but I am still very happy to see it.

Wow, I haven’t written in my blog for a while.  Not since the vacation.  Well since I have been back I have been hanging out on-line over the webcam a lot with my friend 瑞峰.  I wanted to get used to sitting on the webcam and seeing everything going on over there where he is.  Watching him work with the kids.

Now that he is moved into his new apartment I have gotten to start helping a little more with the kids too.  Sunday I got up extra early to meet up with him, a boy and the boy’s mother.  A little later two different girls came in too.  It was really a lot of fun, I actually got to try talking with the kids who were 13 and 11.  We could only ask and answer very simple questions like “what is your favorite color?”. “What time is it?” “Where are you from?” and such but it was still fun and a little challenging for me especially when 瑞峰 was off talking to the parents and I was left to figure out what the kids could or could not understand.  Mostly we did pretty good I think.  I only asked a couple of things that they could not answer.

Now I am looking forward to getting a better plan in order to really start working with the kids more.  I think I could really love this, its just too bad I am so far away, everything would be easier if I was there in person and not just over a webcam but hey, something is better than nothing right? hehe

I’m also planning a trip to China for about 3 weeks come February.  Then I can meet 瑞峰, his family and the kids.  I’ll hopefully be there over the Chinese New Year and Lantern Festival.  I am very excited at the thought of this!

Finally got the last of the pictures off the camera from the trip to Kessel.  These are just of our trip home.  Just as you drive into Kessel there is a house with a large piece of land and the people have a bunch of military planes just sitting there!  So I got some pictures of that and just the drive back home.

Click to see larger image.  Click a second time to see full size image.