Loki’s skin infection is back and in full force.  I noticed today he is even starting to form sores.  Poor guy.  So it’s back to scrubbing him twice a week with the special anti fungal and anti bacterial soap which I am slightly allergic to.  He’s really a miserable pup though, feel so bad for him, he is not fond of the showers, nor of sitting around wet but of course the skin infection on top of it just makes for one very sad puppy.

On top of it my anxiety is back in full force.  Started Saturday night.  Ah I really had almost believed I was over the worst of that but I guess I was wrong.  Lack of sleep to some extent, exhaustion and pushing myself a bit have lead to a full out attack and now it could be weeks or months before it passes completely.  I hope it’s soon.  I am going to go at crawling speed now until it’s better.

some days you just wish you could just open up a box of magic bandaids and make everything better for a friend.

Some say duct tape fixes everything but really they lie. It certainly can’t fix friends when they are broken.

I hate feeling like there is nothing I can do for those I care about most.

Every time I see this commercial on TV I just have to laugh.  I find it amusing especially since in America we have the phrase “going Dutch” when going out with friends for a meal or something.

Dutch Version

English Version

I’ve been holding on desperately to a few people, whom, I guess I should be letting go.  They haven’t been apart of my life for some time now or things have changed so drastically between us that I can no longer define our relationship, except that I feel astranged from them.

I find it very hard to just “let go” though.  It’s not what I want but I feel grasping at hope that they’ll come back or that things will be how they were is wasting my energy, weighing down on my heart and even hurting those around me who are a big part of my life.  They are the ones who deserve my full attention.  Yet I do not want to give up on these other people.  They have been among the rare few I loved and cared about very much.

So when is the right time to let go?  What does letting go mean?  I don’t think I could ever completely give up on them.  If they came back into my life, I might still really want them around.  Maybe I am afraid if I let go, that my feelings too will change and maybe they will not be very important to me anymore.  More like, a good old memory that you just can never recapture.  I don’t want that with them but I don’t see any other choice.

I suppose the other option is trying to talk with them.  If it goes nowhere, then I know for sure it’s time to move on, whether I like it or not.  I have to figure out how to let go though.  I mean do I just delete them from everything or leave them there on those programs?  Do I chat with them if and when they ever decide to chat with me or do I just close the door completely?  It seems cruel to me to write them out completely.  Yet maybe I need that to move on from them.  Otherwise I will be sitting here hoping for something that is very likely not to happen anyway.

I know everyone changes but friendship is something worked on by both parties.  If one party quits or changes drastically what is the other one to do?  I know too people get busy in life, they have their ups and downs, we lose track of time but again, I think if someone is really important to you, you won’t let that happen.  A few days, a few weeks, sure.  Short messages in place of long chats at times.  I can accept these things to some degree or another.

I also know some would say I have an unrealistic thought on this but I have really thought a lot this year about what friendship means to me and what I want and sorry but I don’t really want those “here and there” friends.  I have so many people like that and that to me is not a very good friendship.  Not a close one at any rate.  I’ve also been the one to disappear in the past but I am working much harder on it now too since I have thought about what being friends really means to me.  Of course it is work, even for me but I think it’s worth it and those I am willing to put in the effort for, well I think that just proves how very important they are to me.

Guess I have some thinking left to do on this.

Normally I don’t watch these shows.  I find the jury far too cruel.  Sure, I understand telling people at a professional level if they really have what it takes or not but it’s one thing to say “hey look, you just don’t have what it takes to be a dancer” and it’s another to say insult and put people down.

So I figured this one might not be any different but I was pleasantly surprised.  They have so far been pretty decent to people.  Direct and honest but not degrading to others.  Even had compliments to offer some who were obviously not talented in dancing but gave it there best despite everything.

I might actually find myself watching the next episode.

I really hate how people judge others based solely on how they look.  Several people I am sure remember Paul Potts and Susan Boyle from Britian’s Got Talent.  It just sickens me, the looks people were giving them when they went out on stage.  Just because they were not “beautiful people” so that means therefore they must not have any talent.  What is up with the world?  I know, it’s always been this way but it one thing I hate about how humanity behaves in general.

You know I greatly admire people like Paul Potts and Susan Boyle.  Regardless of what others thought of them from their first impressions, they still choose to stand up, stand the degrading looks and whispered comments just to blow the entire crowd and judges off their feet.

Eat your opinions all you judgemental jerks!

Well election night was interesting standing around all night with a bunch of people waiting to hear the update of the total seats won by each party.  My father-in-law’s party won 2 seats.  Last term they just had one.  I know they had hoped for more seats.  They had been hoping for 4 or 5 seats but I am still proud of them for winning an extra seat this time around. Maybe over the next 4 years they will learn even more and win those 4 or 5 seats next election.

Local elections today in the Netherlands.  I am curious how well my father-in-law’s party is going to do this year with their seats on the city council.  I really hope they get an extra seat or two.  They have been working hard for it.  I will go to my piano lesson and then attend the affair at city hall for a while.  Not sure if I will stay up for the whole thing or not, have to see how late it gets and how tired I feel but I am excited in a way.

Too bad I have to dress up for this, I feel so weird sitting around the house today in a skirt, nice shirt and tights.  What has happened to me? haha

Ah my dear friend Grimmy showed me this link today, so great! I love/want that marionette and I want to learn to use it so well! Awesome!

If you kiss a prince, would he turn into a frog?